Just a small test of the flexibility of the tools I've learned about in the book. Mix of iambic and Trochaic.
Dregs of dust lodged in the shambles of his eyelids.
Another Time replied, just acting in accordance with actions.
Nothing not even just a no-one thing. nuff said as shards as scraped
Ingenious how he, or they just seem to fade into an abyss
Everything, any municipal thats saying too broad: dump them,
Flex and layer those words, lather to them to a honey
Daniel,
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be getting better with writing in meters! I do notice a few disruptions of the meter or they could be substitutions that you meant to have in your piece. Below, I’m just going to show you how I read it, but I am not great at scanning so it might be me that’s reading it wrong, not you. Now, the actual piece has some beautiful language like “flex and layer those words” because I have become obsessed with writing about language. Plus it makes me wonder how one flexes words. Does that mean just to stress them? I don’t know, but it sounds great! However some of the wording makes it a little confusing to read and I’m guessing you wrote it that way to keep the meter. At this point, I think you need to become more acclimated to writing in meter before you really begin worrying about it making sense. I know I’m proud of myself when I write something in a certain meter or rhyme scheme, even if it doesn’t make any sense!
DREGS of DUST LODGED in the SHAMbles OF his EYElids.
aNOTHer TIME rePLIED, JUST ACTing In acCORdance with ACtions.
NOTHing NOT eVEN just a NO-one THING. NUFF SAID as SHARDS as SCRAPED
ingenious HOW he, or THEY just SEEM to FADE INto an ABYSS
EVerything, Any muNIciPAL that’s SAYing TOO broad: DUMP them,
FLEX and LAYER those WORDS, LATHer to THEM to a HONey.
I noticed a couple of the points you made after my revision of the piece and I started to take subsequent notes. I have to say you have gotten better at scanning from the pieces that you've posted. Good job!
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